By Gillian Lim

Until eleven months ago when I decided to take a career break, my full-time helper, who has been with our family since my first child was born eight years ago, was an absolute godsend. Even with my subsequent two births, I continued to calmly soldier through a hectic work week, knowing that my children were safe and well-cared for. Having a full-time maid saved me from countless schedule conflicts and time constraints which would otherwise plague working mothers with no home help.

Now that I am a full-time mum however, the issue of whether to have a full or part-time maid has gained relevance in my life. Upon leaving the workforce, my husband insisted that we retain full-time home help in order that I may ease myself into my new life of domesticity. Since then I have heard from many others the reasons as to why it is important, if not necessary, to have full-time home help, even if I no longer am a working mother:-

- Better quality of life

This seems to be the most persuasive argument in favour of a full-time maid. The reasoning goes like this: while the maid deals with the mundane chores of cooking and cleaning, all other family members are free to take on the more progressive tasks of learning new skills (rollerblading, swimming, dance, languages, etc), expanding our minds through countless uninterrupted hours of reading and undertaking enjoyable expeditions to places of interest.

- Better marital relations

Typically, if you have kids, finding time alone with your spouse before 9pm is a challenge. With live-in help, you get the luxury of being able to head out for a quiet dinner, movies, social events or even a short weekend getaway without having to scramble around for a reliable sitter. The presumption of course is that the more personal time you have with your spouse, the healthier your marital relationship.

- Prevents the “frazzled mum” syndrome

After a day’s worth of having to provide answers to endless questions, heading off possible tantrums or sibling altercations and trying to engage impatient active little bodies in focused tasks, I usually find myself pathetically relieved to hand my three children over to my helper so that I may escape to the quiet of my balcony for a calming cup of tea. Having the option of a time-out is extremely rejuvenating to a sleep-deprived mum, as my kids will no doubt attest!


So why do I remain unconvinced that full-time home help is important to my family’s well-being? As the months pass by, it is becoming apparent to me that my vision of an ideal family life runs oddly counter to having full-time help at hand. How so?

An unreal reality

My kids spend the better part of their day taking things - if not every room in the house - apart while they feed their natural inclination to explore and have fun. Despite doing their worst, a wonderful thing always happens - the house miraculously cleans itself up come 6 o’clock every evening. I could get them to take responsibility for their own messes, but even my three year old has enough sense to know that if he drags it out long enough, it would eventually be cleaned up by my helper because she feels it is one of her primary duties. Unless I am there to intervene daily and wage a test of wills between the two, the end result remains disconcertingly the same – any item of clothing or toy left carelessly on the floor will eventually be picked up by a seemingly unseen hand. And this applies to all other aspects of home life, from time management (waking up on time and getting ready for school) to personal grooming. If we had no live-in help, there simply is no such fallback for the kids except for me, their mother, and I can assure you I would get them to step in line pretty quickly!

I find myself on occasion mulling over a visit to a French family’s home some years ago where the father proudly announced that when we stepped over his threshold, we were stepping into a little piece of France in Singapore. There they stuck to what would be real for them in France i.e. no live-in maid and the children learning to help themselves rather than being helped, from daily chores around the house to helping prepare the family meal every evening. Somehow I think his children are much better equipped for life than mine are, even if mine have more time on their hands to “expand their minds”.

Home is only nearly a sanctuary

I had stopped work so that my time with my children would cease being run on a tight time schedule. Life at home, I had envisioned, would be relaxed and deconstructed. Lately however, I find myself in the unexpected circumstance of abiding by a variety of guidelines such as:

• Reporting home to my helper if I am running late with the kids or any occasion where our schedule is out of its ordinary routine

• Specially earmarking food items to prevent discovering tomatoes or fish purchased earlier at the supermarket for a new recipe has found its way into the kids’ meal leaving me little choice but to run out to the shops again

• Needing to explain seemingly valueless items of sentiment to my helper so that she accords the same care (e.g. our child’s first tooth had inadvertently been thrown out) and feeling a little self-conscious about my sentimentality in the process

The list goes on but what it points to is a great loss of personal privacy and the need to communicate constantly so that we are able to live harmoniously under one roof.

Ultimately it boils down to whether I value my privacy and belief in raising my children the old fashioned way, over and above the need for a tidy home and enjoying more free time to my husband and myself.

The jury remains steadfastly out.